Good Grief Charlie Brown
We have the worst track record when it comes to getting out of the house to go ANYWHERE.
We barely make it to Mass on time.
School? Saved by the Bell (and not the Slater kind).
Zoo? Museum? Beach? Park? It takes us longer to get ready than the actual time we spend there.
Roadtrips? It takes us 2 extra hours.
The real kicker is that Ed and I HATE being late for anything. Yet…
The most comical of all get-the-family-out-of-the-house events happened this weekend. I say comical because NOW we can laugh about it. But in the actual moment, it was the most unfunny thing.
This weekend our friend’s son celebrated his Bar Mitzvah and invited us to his shindig/open mike night party. Invite deets: Be there at 8:00; wear something sparkly.
We started getting dressed at 6:00, planning one and a half hours for getting everyone cleaned, dressed and packed in the car.
Ed owns suits. I have a few dressy Ross bargains. Maeve has some great hand-me-downs. The rest…let’s just say this weekend was a eye opener to how badly these kids need clothes other than jeans, leggings and tshirts. I started ransacking closets at 5:00. Luckily, I was able to cobble together some decent looking dressy clothes. Sure, Max’s button down *might* have been a little short and Violet’s shoes a little tight, but they looked nice.
Oh dear baby Grey…She’s only been on this planet for 8 months so she doesn’t have seasons of clothes packed in corners. She has what she has (spoiler alert: about 15 onesies and 3 pairs of leggings). I did purchase a really nice dress at Target on clearance. I was saving it for Christmas, but this was a dress clothes emergency.
I’m really proud of us. We got out of the house at 7:30, leaving us 30 minutes to get a card at Walgreens (yes we are THOSE kind of people) and get to the party.
(Driveway back out #1)
At Walgreens, I walked the aisles looking for anything remotely Bar Mitzvah related. I can’t even believe I would entertain the thought that a Walgreens on the Westside has that type of card. I must be delusional.
Back in the car, it’s a melee and Ed’s fed up. He starts the car and rounds the parking lot when I hear the baby gagging. He stops, I jump out and finger-sweep a huge wad of soggy paper out of her mouth (for the non-moms who think this is gross, believe me you WILL do this one day without hesitation). Then she proceeds to puke up 8 ounces of formula all over the Christmas dress.
Ed’s immediately pissed that the kids were having a paper fight in the car and now the baby’s choking and OMG, now she’s soaked and reeks and we have to go back home and change her.
Back home we go to change the baby into I-don’t-know-what.
I run in with the baby, ditch my heels at the door and peel the nasty dress off her. I just happened to find a summery dress that will work so I put that on her. I slip on my crocs because now *I’m* driving and I can’t drive in heels. Grab the baby, lock the door and get in the car.
(Driveway backout #2)
We get about half a mile down the road when I start laughing. I freakin left my heels at the door. Back home we go. Ed grabs my heels and we’re off to the races…er…party.
(Driveway backout #3)
We get to the hotel at 8:10 (damnit!), but we have to drive by it to get a card (still?!). Two stores and 20 minutes later and we have a card in hand.
So we ended up getting there at 8:35, right as he was entering the ballroom and right before dinner (perfect timing if you ask me).
My point in all this rambly story goodness…we will NEVER be on time. Something unforeseen will always happen. So roll with it. Embrace our fashionably lateness. Goodness knows, we will.